Love to Love Ya! And I Love Me too!

Happy February!

February is not only the shortest month of the year, but it’s known for several celebratory days. Some notable events being Black History Month, Groundhog Day, and President’s Day. In addition to being the shortest month, it treats us to a Leap Year every four years with the addition of February 29th. 

February is also known as the month where Valentine’s Day resides. I’ve never been a big celebrator of the day. The most I can recall stems back to my childhood where I was forced to exchange valentine cards with classmates, along with those candy conversation hearts that never tasted very good. Even as an adult, I feel that if you can’t give me flowers and chocolates, unprompted, on any of the other 364 days of the year, then why bother? 

In keeping with the theme of Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about love. I’m not going to talk about first love, dating, epic marriage proposals, or anything like that. I want to talk about self-love. My philosophy is that if I don’t know how to love me, then how can I appreciate being loved by others? How do I recognize what's not acceptable?

At work, we often have professional development exercises that we do as a team. One of the continuing themes centers on self-care. There is often a general consensus that, as adults-especially professionals, we get quite used to shelling out advice to others. Not as good at taking our own advice. I’m guilty of that myself. I can offer several suggestions for stress relief and even some tips on staying active, but I can also offer an entire list of excuses when it comes to why I  don’t do those things. 

When the pandemic struck, it brought this fact home for many people. Life's too short not to prioritize my self-care. And if I love me, then I want what’s best for me. Does that sound narcissistic? Perhaps it does. It may even sound selfish and it explains why so many of us have grown used to neglecting our own well-being. It is never selfish to be concerned about your mental health.

Self-care may look different for each of us. For all of us, it should certainly involve the activities of daily living, like bathing, eating, taking our medicine or vitamins. Afterall, our wellness is a component of self-care. Self-care can also have an impact on our mental state. For me, self-care involves a variety of things. One way I practice this is by taking a day off of work, not to run errands, but to go for a drive. During my drive, I take in nature and spend time praying. These days have become so essential to my ability to rest and reset. While there are many other things I do to release negativity, I find that taking the time out to actually do it is where we sometimes drop the ball. 

Praying and spending time reading the bible are important to me for my spiritual growth. But just like in other areas of my life, I would get so busy being busy that I grew neglectful. In a previous post, I mentioned habits. Changing some of my habits and including prayer and time for the bible became an important practice when it came to my self-care. The first step in making that change was in realizing that I didn’t like  where I was. For example: If I don’t like where I live, then it will never change unless I start my search for a new residence. Yes, there are an innumerable amount of factors at play. Cost, lease agreements, rent or own, space, schools, crime, etc. All important things when it comes to living. But your awareness of those issues shouldn’t stop you from beginning your search. The change begins when I acknowledge that I want my situation to change. When it comes to my self-care, I need the same level of awareness. I have to be able to recognize when I’m not well or when I have developed habits that are not good for me. That also means I need to spend time learning what is good for me.

Now that I’ve droned on about self-care, let’s switch gears and talk about self-love. Take a moment and find a mirror. Oh, wait. Digital age peeps, whip out those cell phone cameras. Selfie-mode on. Ask the person looking back at you this question. Do you love me? What answer did you get? Yes, Queen!, Girl, Bye., or  I’m not sure. When it comes to how we feel about ourselves, odds are you’ll meet at least a person or two who fall into the indecisive category. And if we’re being honest, for some of those Yes, Queen!’s, it probably depends on the day.  I was an indecisive person. My path to learning to love myself came by first learning what that actually meant.

I learned what that meant by embracing my faith and the love of God. I wanted to love the things that God loves. If I love what God loves, then I can’t hate myself. I had to get truly candid with myself and the parts that were frustrating, ugly, and even unbearable. I had to give those parts to God. I do that every time I’m in prayer. If you have any of those parts, I urge you to do the same thing. There is no magic wand that will make all your issues vanish. And contrary to popular belief, there is no quick fix when it comes to love. Even when we practice self-love, the work is more beneficial when we practice it daily. Not just on Valentine’s Day or anniversaries or birthdays and other special occasions. But every single day. When I was in kindergarten, we had a school counselor that taught us the song “I like myself”. This is the phrase from that song always stuck with me, even now years later. I like myself. I’m worth a lot. Don’t say I’m not cuz’ you can’t see inside of me. 

Spend time learning to love yourself so that you can truly value others doing the same thing!

Stay Sunny!