Unchosen, but Chosen

Last week, I spent some time thinking about flaws and love. The truth of what we tend to see versus what God sees. While thinking about that, I also began to think about my childhood. I didn’t play many sports in school. Occasional softball and volleyball tournaments during summer camp was about as far as I went. I reflected on how, in movies, I see a different experience from my own. Often, kids got to choose teammates. I never experienced that, but I can’t help but recognize the anxiety that likely accompanies the unknown of if you’ll be chosen or settled for. 

An experience I do have is from a professional perspective. Many of us in our adult years have probably felt the anxiety associated with applying for a job. I went through this many times over the years. It was always associated with applying for a promotional opportunity. When I first joined the organization, I was in my teens. My perspective at the time was that it would be a better summer working experience than the fast food chains all my friends flocked to. I recall feeling like I didn’t get the job because it took so long to hear back from them. That’s an entirely different story though, as we all have a tendency to try creating a solution when the waiting is taking too long.

Needless to say, I got that job. I spent the following years clawing my way up a corporate ladder. During that journey, I experienced much anxiety during interviews and equal amounts of rejection each time I was denied. We dealt with a lot of workplace politics at that time. That meant that promotions didn’t always go to the ones that earned it. It was more about who you knew at that time. Again. A different topic for a different day. My point in sharing this little snippet in my career journey is to focus on the feeling of being chosen, even when the world that we live in will strive to convince you otherwise.

It’s not easy to feel like you are literally alone on an island. In the distance and even right next to you is another island teeming with every possible resource you could ever dream of needing. Yet, it seems out of reach. What I didn’t know when I was going through my career journey is that each rejection I experienced was building up some resilience in me. At the time, I couldn’t even tell you what that word meant! Yet, with each interview and each time I was turned down, I was learning. I was learning to be a more confident version of myself in a world where it seemed like I wasn’t good enough to be chosen.

Over the years, that changed. I began getting the promotions I was seeking. I was being chosen for project teams and as the lead for other opportunities. Eventually, I even began earning the opportunity to be on the other end of the table in that interview room. Yet, each time, I recalled the anxiety of finding out if I was chosen. When I’m going through moments in life where I feel like the last one on the shelf, I suddenly find myself looking back on each of those rejections. I went through similar emotional wars of dejection. Those moments are a reminder for me of why it’s important to go through the challenges that we encounter. All those moments of being unchosen were fortifying me. Making me stronger. So that even if I was rejected, I was still becoming a more confident version of me. 

I mentioned dejection and the emotional toll that rejection can have because I experienced it. At one point, I even stopped applying for promotions. Instead, I sought career opportunities outside of the organization I was in and began working multiple jobs. I was going through a mental war, because of the dejected feelings I wrestled with, and didn’t want to hear about another career growth opportunity. Today’s me is able to look back on all those moments and see the growth that was happening even in the middle of the hurt. No one knew about my tears or my desire to seek employment outside of where I was. Yet, all of those emotions are exactly why I am who I am today. 

I recently had a conversation with a study group at my church where we talked about struggles. It’s hard to face a struggle in life with joy. Especially not in the midst of it. The joy usually comes when it’s over! Yet, we rarely think about how much we learned while we were going through it. If our road had been a little easier, we might feel more entitled than humble. We should endeavor to take the humble road. It might have more bumps along the way, but more bumps means more learning opportunities. Many people have embraced the idea that a delay is not a denial. We also need to recognize that a rejection is not a failure. Instead, it’s an opportunity for growth. It is easy to focus on how things are going well for everyone else. That’s part of our problem, though. Stop comparing you to everyone else. Instead, learn from your story so that you can be a better version of you when it’s your turn. We tend to appreciate the things that required a little labor on our part. Don’t begrudge the struggle. Learn from it.

Love what God Loves

John 15:12